«сложный сплав высокого интеллекта, телесной правды и мифологического символизма» 

The Sabbat

I ask The Fall for the cozy feast
Inside my dark and shabby house,
To open pages and the wounds,
To dance and burn sad truths in fires.

I`ll organize the Sabbat rite,
And let it be as sweet as honey.
Let melt the ice in twinkling eyes
And lipstick be so dark and winy!

I ask the Fall for the saddest song.
I let Satyr tear my hips.
I`m eager for the rain to fall,
The sky to darken, and you to pierce.

I ask The Fall for the cozy feast
Let summer go to Neverland.
The bitter grass smells oh so spicy…
Dance me, collapsing what was planned.

2017

I need a friend

I need a friend to understand,
Not to protect, not to defend,
Who will forbid me to pretend,
Who will explain the things like that.

I need the truth to burn my head,
To make me groan, to make me hate,
To make me laugh, to make me cry,
To let me live and make me die.

I need the night to hide the eyes.
I need no warmth not to despise.
I need no changes to go on.
Just for forgiveness I am strong.

But at the truth I'm ill at once.
The mercy teaches to despise.
I damn the circumstance
You've made. Am I nobody to create?

Am I so weak just to decide?
I follow what they had designed.
What for I play their bitter roles?
The will is meek to act my own.

2017

The Calvary

You stand still, so wet between the thighs.
And I see sweetest salt in your eyes.
The Sun explodes through my poor chest.
And your gaze makes me feel blessed.
My heart is beating so madly,
Choked with molten gold.
You watch your destiny in my hands.
This vision makes you so hot.
And I wish I were so mighty
To own you under my boots.
But you are a seed and you can
Penetrate my chest with your roots.
Your still waters boil the fiends
In the teapot, prepared for lunch.
Wine fills the poisonous cups.
With pearls into your womb I come.
I teach you my DNA.
You raise these demons of mine.
Then you drive spikes through their hearts;
Trust, you bury alive.
Your hair is coiling like snakes.
Pandora`s box of my reign
Is open.
And you are to blame.
You break time into dust.
You weep with the tears of mint.
I want to put you in chains,
To carve your forehead with «SLAVE»…
I want you.
Stop and exhale.
The air is fresh. Radiation.
You’re loyal like a Great Dane.
You expect from me certain actions.
You sow the poppies- «Inhale!»
You come to me.
And you bend your knees.
My saliva turns to a stake, like a sword.
I appeal for mercy at the cockcrow.
Domination. I am your God.
But something tells me — I am bogged down.
Something tells me — I am in distress.
I wish I could simply run out.
My heart throbs like a bird in my chest.
My legs are becoming rubbery.
You will leave and I will fall dead.
And no poppies can promise recovery.
Your grip has grown loose.
To escape! The fire expired!
But suddenly…  
I'm now in the place of your slave
And I bear my cross to the Calvary.

2017

Broken Glass

I looked at world through the broken glass
And could not understand why it's so cracked.
My heart was made of cool and chilling ice,
That's why in spring I am used to going mad.

I looked at you as if I was abused
With sight of your bluish-creamy hands.
You were so tiny, made of solitude
And to my shame you have refused to fade.

I knew your fingers, cut with broken glass
I knew the reasons for you to be so cracked.
I never tried to love. I just despised.
And made you so fragile and deeply sad.

I saw the world but I failed to feel.
You felt the core and never tried to hide.
I locked the door, but could not conceal
The keyhole from your disclosing mind.

2016

What is beauty?

— What is beauty, my dear Lord?
— Banks of snow on the graves,
Bullfinches' bloody craws,
Candle fever in your hands.

— What is silence?
— It’s the Moon,
Stiffened wax on pallid skin,
Dreams devouring your mind,
Gentle whisper of the Doom.

What is kindness, my dear Lord?
Kindness is the bullet's speed
That retains the smile on face
As you're falling down to bleed.

Morning After

Like with hot lava I`m seething with sex.
The cold wall of rain blurs over grey windows.
The morning. The bitterness. The poems. The snow.
I feel pleasure and pain — kinky, like a weirdo.

The time waits for so long, but then spins away.
The day that decays for me sends innuendos.
I can't breathe without you. And your silhouette
I see in the park, but I lurk in the shadows.

Like with hot lava I`m seething with sex.
I wallow in memories — the taste of my pain.
I do not dream of you, be sure, relax.
I just play my role in this wicked game.

My bitter tea is burning the cup,
How can porcelain feel hurt like a girl?
The mask turns to face, disclosing the truth.
I imbibed your essence like a priestess the salt.

I will understand. We have different views.
We have different ways. We have different fates.
But I breathe with you in my solitude.
Your skin keeps as a secret my derma cells.

The rain falls to puddles, freezing and grey.
A part of you lumps somewhere in my throat.
It's morning. It's painful. I know — you`ll leave.
Locking myself, I let you go.

P.S.
На тебе эпидермис — частичка горячей меня. ~
Your skin keeps as a secret my derma cells.

Помню, как мне только не возвращали эту строчку. Мол нужно писать про шёлк кожи… Но…я хотела именно «эпидермис» — интеллектуально, физиологично, экзистенциально и просто. Слово «эпидермис» убирает из секса романтический флер и оставляет нас один на один с фактом: мы просто белковые тела, которые пытаются преодолеть одиночество через касание. В том, что на чужой коже остаются твои клетки, есть глубокая печаль — это единственное, что мы можем друг другу оставить…  И с другой стороны — тело может хранить клеточки другого человека — как сокровенную тайну…

Still waters run deep 

Everyone has their demons; everyone has their weaknesses.
Somebody hits and quits with no pity.
Somebody makes love just with strangers.
Everyone’s waters hide different demons.

Somebody wants to abuse and abandon.
Somebody spits and fucks out loud.
Somebody wants to submit to his will,
To fall into love, to serve, and to kneel.

We all have skeletons. Still waters run deep.
Some people display and some people peep.
Somebody learns love lost in the dark.
Somebody exposes and never hides.

Everyone has their pain and their scars.
One is a slave — the other is a Tsar.
Thirst for madness. Thirst to control. Thirst to degrade.
There are different roles.

Our past is so lewd and outrageous.
Beware, my dear, we all are contagious.
You are not immune to this deadfall.
Everyone feeds their demons with their souls.

2017

* this Verse is inspired by the well-known hit of the British group Eurythmics «Sweet Dreams» written by Ann Lennox and David A. Stewart.

As darkness falls  

As darkness falls,
Protect my flame
From wicked skies
That fall with rain,
From bitter tears
Burning my cheeks,
From a restless whisper on my lips.

Beseech the skies
To be so pure,
The Moon could rise
Wounds could be cured.
The sea could breathe,
The earth could talk,
Beseech the skies so dim with smoke.

Ignite my blood
With eerie sparks,
For me to rush
Into your dark, and to awake
From being numb,
To make me fly, and make me crawl.

As darkness falls,
Glass of my heart
Will fill with oozing
Murky blood.
Let tears burn
My cheeks to bones.
Be murderer as darkness falls.

2015

The Werewolf

The sunset has faded. You watch my salute.
Each sprout of libido is watered by sap of lust.
Like a werewolf hankering after sweet fruit
You gnaw my bones, seduced with the moonlight.

Cannibalism. Devour your own reflection.
A poisonous sting of the wasp is so astute.
Honey of bright pain pierces your core like an injection,
Exuding to the throat with red, salty dew.

Your monstrous heart feels like a burden.
You try to pull out the ill-fated magnet from your chest.
The tortured blood clot you turn into stone.
Silence feeds lungs. Ignorance is blessed.

But the dawn is wounded. The fog licks the grass.
Haze of white ashes milks crimson lands.
Black as a sloe, the sky embraces the landscape of rust
Unclothing the red sun like, а gorgeous breast.

Onset of the wind falls upon golden woods.
Its music is heard between organ-pipes of amber birches.
Let the old bog be healed like a wound,
When the willow weeps like a loyal believer  in church.

Innocent joy! It could have never been different.
Through the broken ribs one can see the hematoma of space.
I have passed the game, being an external student,
Being a gallery god in the theater of lethal plays.

2017

Sisyphus and Calvary 

All of us are like Sisyphus. All of us are like Calvary.
Myths entwine with our lives. The feelings are fixed in diaries.
The will is the flight of a downed bird. Love is time allowed.

Boulders will roll down the rocks. Sweet is the destruction around.

All of us are like Orpheus. But first of all, we are vampires.
Our souls hide Pompeii. Our eyes hide satire.
A self-created God is a Demon. Tyranny is no better than guile.
Free me from these old chains. I will come and serve your empire.

There, where Pygmalion creates his Galatea
There Paphos will be born. But shall I still judge?
I would never!
All of us are like Narcissus. Oh, I have never been Themis!
Knowledge burns Paradise with created uncleanness.

Again I roll the boulder. Again you rise on Calvary.
Abide in me spiritually, intellectually, rationally, carnally.
Be my sweet crucifixion. I`ll be your chosen boulder.
The world comes into balance. Hot meets Cold.

All of us are like Pandora. All of us are a little like Judas.
Rage will dissolve so that Kali meets the light of Buddha.
I whisper to you «Oh, I love». And a thousand times «I believe».
So the Word is now spoken. Thus Time disappeared.

2018